A cheesy exchange- Summoning Sheogorath
by Starrynightwriter
Summary: The first Dragonborn is attempting to summon the prince of madness with a peculiar item- and the last Dragonborn needs some answers. Will Sheogorath show himself?


**hello readers, i was sitting down contemplating my cup of coffee at the ass crack of dawn- and in my slaphappy state i thought up a comical exchange between the first and last dragonborn as miraak attempts to summon the daedric prince of madness...hope you can appreciate the amount of bad punnery that went into this. **

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Idrissa watched with a perplexed expression, as the first Dragonborn lit the candles around the alter one by one with a conjuration spell, and placed the wheel of cheese upon the top of the pedastal. Miraak tried to ignore the feeling of her questioning eyes boring into his backside as he knelt before the Alter, placing his hands together and closing his eyes as he attemtped to clear his mind and pray to the Daedric Prince of Chaos and discord.

"Dare I ask what it is you are doing this time?" The last Dragonborn finally asked after a short silence. The atmoran let out a deep sigh of annoyance as his concentration broke, looking back at her with thinly veiled contempt.

"I am attempting to commune with Sheagorath." He answered curtly, turning back to the alter and closing his eyes once more. Idrissa blinked, as his answer only raised more questions- for starters, why would he want to summon the prince of madness- but most importantly- what was with the cheese?

"That...That is a wheel of cheese." She told him, hoping he would explain its function in the ritual. Miraak's expression tensed, but he didn't let go his prayer formation, or open her eyes as he spoke.

"Aye, it is." He stated emphaticly.

"...Is the cheese going to help you, somehow?" She asked after another long pause. This time, his shoulders slumped in exasperation and he dropped his hands to look back at her once more, his silvery green and gold eyes gleaming as his patience wavered.

"Lorkhans breath woman, Sheagorath likes cheese- I am attempting to summon him with goddamn cheese!" he hissed.

"Oh..." She said thoughtfully, reconcidering the yellow wheel of cheese sitting innocently upon the alter, wondering if the first dragonborn had at last descended into madness. "...does he have a favorite kind of cheese?" She asked him with a serious expression. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath as he turned back to the Alter once more.

"I don't know." he admitted through gritted teeth.

"So, your attempting to summon a daedric prince with cheese, yet you don't know which cheese he prefers?" She asked him, trying to hide the amusement in her tone.

"Guhda! By the eight- he likes Guhda!" He yelled in exasperation, arms flailing from his lowered position on the ground.

"What makes you think its Guhda?" She asked doubtfully.

"I don't know- because Guhda sounds like "Gooder"? I don't care!" He yelled, the rest of his composure flying to the wind. She regarded him cooly, with a patient expression that made his outburst seem silly as he cooled off, until finally he sank back down and turned back to the Alter, returning to his prayer. Idrissa was silent for a long while, waiting for something to happen, and when a long time passed without an answer from the prince of madness, Idrissa eyed the cheese dissaprovingly.

"That doesn't look like Guhda." She mumbled under her breath.

"Its not." He replied tersely.

"...Tries to summon a daedric prince with cheese, doesn't even offer the cheese he likes..." He didn't know if he was meant to hear the mumbled complaints, but never the less he found himself turning to her once more, murder in his expression.

"Sithis and damnation, woman- be silent!"

"No," She bit back indignantly, expression hardening at being ordered about. " You know, your really starting to cheese me off." She jested to spite him.

"I'm cheesing you off? I am attempting a important ritual, and you keep interrupting and breaking my focus, and Im the one cheesing you off? your daft!"

"I'm daft? At least if I were going to summon the prince of madness with a wheel of cheese, I would take into consideration that perhaps it would take more than just any kind of cheese-but of corse a man would think that just any old wheel of cheese would do!" She yelled back at him, anger fueled by her own prideful indignation. His eyebrows rose as he regarded her with the same patient expression she had fixed upon him at his earlier outburst- albeit a little surprised by her ire.

" you know, I'm really starting to get Fedda with you- dealing with you is taking up all the patience I can munster." She told him after a minute of regarding eachother with cautious, wary eyes. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep her expression level as he absorbed her line of puns with a dumbfounded expression, until the tension in the atmosphere dissapated all at once and a slow grin broke over his features and he began to chuckle.

Relieved by his laughter, she let herself giggle at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation- until their laughter was overpowered by a sudden, raucous cackling that seemed to echoe loudly off of every tree in the forest- Sheagorath had heard their cheesy exchange, and at last had graced them with his presence.

"Sorry im late- when you've lived as long as I have you tend to lose track of time- oh, is that cheese? Splendid!"


End file.
